I never really liked the term “step” child, parent, sibling etc. I have never understood why “step” is the word used to label the child/parent and other family relationships between those that have become a family through marriage rather than biological or adoption. If we look at it a positive way, maybe it means a parent who “stepped” up to help parent a child that is not their own. Even that, though, indicates that there was a need to do so, like the other parent is not available or something. After doing a bit of research I found out: “the original sense of the coming from “step” can be seen in a related Old English verb, “astepan,” which meant “to bereave or deprive.” Thus “steocild” (“stepchild”) in Old English meant “orphan,” that is, a child deprived of a parent by death. When that child’s surviving parent remarried, the “steopcild” became a “steopsunu” (stepson) or “steopdohtor” (stepdaughter) in relation to the new parent, who was either a “steopmodor” (stepmother) or “steopfaeder” (stepfather).” Deseret News, May 30, 1999. Over time it evolved to include the relationships formed through marriage after divorce. So now, I feel justified in not liking the term, it’s out dated and really not accurate to describe most blended families. I have always called Rocke and Jake my “bonus” sons. That is exactly what they are to me; a bonus, a wonderful addition to my life; and I know that Mark feels that way about Lauryn and Cameron too. When Mark and I got together a little over 10 years ago, Lauryn was 20 and attending college at San Jose State, Cameron was 19 attending extended special ed high school, Rocke was 17 and Jake 15 both in high school. The four of them never lived together and because of the various life stages that they were each in they didn’t form any sort of forced relational bond. They were all basically adults so their relationships developed on their own. I would never try to define their relationships; “close”, “not close”, “friendly”, or “distant”. Their connections are all uniquely their own. I will be very willing to bet, though, that if any one of them needed something from the other, they would come through for them. Both Rocke and Jake have always been so patient and understanding of Cameron’s challenges with autism and champion his successes. Lauryn has been generous with her advice on law school and the profession when Jake was considering law school himself. Cameron has always looked to Rocke and Jake as models for various things for which he aspires. So yes, our family is not even a typical “step family” but there’s things that make me smile when I hear of them reaching out to each for advice, sharing a joke or good news or just laughing together at Cameron’s latest attempt at a comic strip or story. The rare times a year we are able to get all together are the days I live for and feel so grateful for our little motley crew that continues to expand with partners, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Our family continues to evolve and I truly hope continues to welcome in all of the “bonuses” they get to add throughout this life, even after Mark and I are gone. What defines your family? Bonuses, friends, neighbors?