Today is New Year’s Day 2021. Each year on New Year’s Eve, Mark and I have a tradition to eat sushi, drink a favorite bottle of wine and reflect on the past year through our vision boards. We always start the year with a vision of the things we would like to accomplish come year’s end. Some of the things relate to financial, physical, spiritual, educational, work related or family related goals. As usual we spent some time last night reviewing our vision boards and noticing all of the things that were manifested over the year. I’m proud to say that a lot of our hopes and vision for the year came forth. For example, starting this blog, or writing of some kind has been on my vision board for several years and last year we launched! Today’s blog, however, will not be about processing 2020, I believe we all have done a lot of that, and I, for one, am burned out on 2020. My thoughts today went to 2016. In 2016 Mark and I got married, I had a major unexpected job change and we bought and moved into our current home. Mark and I had been together for 6 years by the time we got married. We had already weathered many storms together and had decided to finally make it “official”. In many ways we had been quite content with not being married but there was something about marking the day and committing to each other and our families in that way that just seemed right. The timing was right. Shortly after getting married, I faced a job change that I hadn’t expected. That change weighed heavy on my heart as I really loved my work and my team. It was at that time that I reached out to a mentor of mine and began working at my current job. Very shortly after that job change, we found and bought our “forever home”. We had been talking about selling our suburban house and moving to the country for many years and it was at that time that we were seeing changes in our neighborhood that prompted us to start actively looking for our little property. The timing was right. With the exception of our impending wedding, none of those events were anything we envisioned on New Year’s Day 2016. 2021 is the five year anniversary of all of those events and they were all life changing events for us. The lesson I have taken is that while we can certainly plan, try to set ourselves up for success, set our goals and the action steps to achieve them; our ability to recognize the good in things will keep us thriving. That job change at the time was difficult and painful AND it was the absolute best thing that happened to us. That job change enabled us to purchase our home that we had dreamed of for many years. That job change has us in our current position to be able to support our family in ways that we could only hope for. We are thriving because of that job change. The timing was right. Sometimes our thriving comes from getting through those things that we couldn’t have predicted and staying faithful that something good will come from the struggle. I don’t know what 2021 is going to bring but I do know that chances are there will be blessings, challenges, losses and successes and we will continue to thrive.
Author: Tonya Bauhofer
The Pressures of Being Thankful
It’s Thanksgiving evening and Mark and I have A LOT for which to be thankful. Our blessings are not lost on us at all. Some is through hard work, others through just plain luck but either way we are thankful. I have come to realize though, that the holidays, Thanksgiving in particular, can come with a set of pressures that some of us need support with and some acknowledgement that our “thanks” may not look like others. There’s a lot of pressure to be “thankful” AND “joyous” which implies that if somehow you are not “joyous” you are not “thankful”. This year was a tough one for my children, Lauryn and Cameron. They lost their father in March very unexpectedly. Additionally, Lauryn has suffered some intense trauma with her home burning down due to a house fire. Here comes Thanksgiving, the first major holiday without their dad (aside from father’s day and his birthday); and for Lauryn, just reestablishing her life. She chose not to come home for the holidays this year. Thanksgiving is not unusual, but she usually tries to make it for Christmas. This year she needs to stay put for a variety of reasons. All of which are valid and I applaud her for making the choice she needs to make for herself. Some have implied that she is selfish for not coming home to be with her family. Some have also implied that SHE needs to be with family. What if that family is the exact reminder of the hurt? What if being alone is what she needs? Can “we” be okay with that choice? Of course, we miss her but I also recognize that sometimes we have to make our own decisions in what we need. I would imagine this is the first holiday without a loved one for a lot of people. Is it ok to be thankful, but not joyous? Are we so pressured that we have to fake it in the midst of very difficult situations. That is exhausting. 2020 has been a very difficult year for many. I believe sometimes we just have to strive for peace because joy may not be possible given the circumstances. Happiness, though, can still shine through, when we count our blessings and acknowledge that we feel things, even the negative feelings. To be truly thankful, we must live our trueness and sometimes that trueness is being alone, contemplative, remembering and pressing on. Sometimes that trueness comes in the way of service to others. Both Lauryn and Cameron chose to work on Thanksgiving. Lauryn reached out to some of her juvenile clients that are currently in youth detention centers without family connection and the holidays when incarcerated can be very lonely. As their attorney, she felt a call of duty and service. This action provided her a sense of fulfillment. Cameron worked his job at Pride Industries and was very proud of the fact that he worked on a holiday “like other adults” and “like my dad used to” J. If any of us are not feeling especially festive during this time, it’s okay. This is just a moment in time and being present for it is in itself an action of gratitude.
Our Pursuit of Happiness OR My Cats are BIG Game Hunters
A little over a year ago we got our two cats, Chili and Pepper. Named, of course, after one of my favorite bands, the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I told Mark we needed barn cats now that we are in the country to capture rats, lizards and other unwanted creatures. “ Needing” barn cats was very true, the other truth is I really like cats and wanted them. We got these specific two because they had been found in a field without their mama only a few weeks old and a friend was fostering them. This friend told me that they would be excellent hunters because they had been “practicing”. Practicing meant that they were given the opportunity to actively play and “capture” toy mice and things. They were so little and so cute that when we brought them home, I didn’t want them to be out and about. Mark agreed, as he was worried about night wildlife in the area getting them. While he will be the first one to say “I hate cats” in his grumpy grandpa voice, the other truth about our cats is that he loves them. During the time that they were in the house all the time, they continued to play with their toys and bounce around as kittens do, but I wasn’t sure how this might translate into being good hunters. Was I stunting their growth in this area because I didn’t let them out right away to learn about their home and the surroundings? When Chili and Pepper were about 6 months old, there was no holding them back; they practically begged to get outside. I relented and since that time their routine is that they go outside first thing after all the dogs are fed and spent the day doing cat things around the property and then almost like clockwork they show up at the door to be let in for the night. (Mark is still concerned about critters getting them. “I hate cats”….sure buddy). We now have some data and research as to whether or not these cats are good hunters. The results are a resounding yes!! Not a day has gone by that, each or together, don’t catch a lizard, bird or snake. Every day!!! Lizards seem to be their easiest catch but each day something is caught. What does any of this long story have to do with happiness? Well, I’ve been listening to a podcast recently called The Happiness Lab by Dr. Laurie Santos with Yale University on the science of happiness and I believe my hunting cats are a great example of some of the principles of which Dr. Santos speaks. I’m not going into her discussions as I think you should listen to her and she speaks much more eloquently on the subject and I don’t want to get sued for plagiarism. Research indicates that more stuff isn’t the indicator of predictive happiness. Happiness can be gained through practice. Practice of purpose and gratitude. When we are living for a purpose and pursuing that purpose we tend to be happier because we are of service to others and we have our “why”. When we are grateful for the permanent things we have such as relationships, health, experiences rather than chasing after more “stuff” we tend to be happier. Mark and I have certainly found that our pursuit of happiness does land in the simple things. Our purpose, we believe, is to be of service to others, our family and our community. We have found that getting new “stuff” is fun and causes feelings of happiness in the moment but lasting happiness is something that isn’t going to occur with new things, it’s the everyday practice of purpose and gratitude. My cats get to live out their purpose every day, they do it well and I’d like to think they are happy.