It’s Thanksgiving evening and Mark and I have A LOT for which to be thankful. Our blessings are not lost on us at all. Some is through hard work, others through just plain luck but either way we are thankful. I have come to realize though, that the holidays, Thanksgiving in particular, can come with a set of pressures that some of us need support with and some acknowledgement that our “thanks” may not look like others. There’s a lot of pressure to be “thankful” AND “joyous” which implies that if somehow you are not “joyous” you are not “thankful”. This year was a tough one for my children, Lauryn and Cameron. They lost their father in March very unexpectedly. Additionally, Lauryn has suffered some intense trauma with her home burning down due to a house fire. Here comes Thanksgiving, the first major holiday without their dad (aside from father’s day and his birthday); and for Lauryn, just reestablishing her life. She chose not to come home for the holidays this year. Thanksgiving is not unusual, but she usually tries to make it for Christmas. This year she needs to stay put for a variety of reasons. All of which are valid and I applaud her for making the choice she needs to make for herself. Some have implied that she is selfish for not coming home to be with her family. Some have also implied that SHE needs to be with family. What if that family is the exact reminder of the hurt? What if being alone is what she needs? Can “we” be okay with that choice? Of course, we miss her but I also recognize that sometimes we have to make our own decisions in what we need. I would imagine this is the first holiday without a loved one for a lot of people. Is it ok to be thankful, but not joyous? Are we so pressured that we have to fake it in the midst of very difficult situations. That is exhausting. 2020 has been a very difficult year for many. I believe sometimes we just have to strive for peace because joy may not be possible given the circumstances. Happiness, though, can still shine through, when we count our blessings and acknowledge that we feel things, even the negative feelings. To be truly thankful, we must live our trueness and sometimes that trueness is being alone, contemplative, remembering and pressing on. Sometimes that trueness comes in the way of service to others. Both Lauryn and Cameron chose to work on Thanksgiving. Lauryn reached out to some of her juvenile clients that are currently in youth detention centers without family connection and the holidays when incarcerated can be very lonely. As their attorney, she felt a call of duty and service. This action provided her a sense of fulfillment. Cameron worked his job at Pride Industries and was very proud of the fact that he worked on a holiday “like other adults” and “like my dad used to” J. If any of us are not feeling especially festive during this time, it’s okay. This is just a moment in time and being present for it is in itself an action of gratitude.
Tag: Blessed
Blessed To Be A Blessing
The pastor at our church often ends his sermon with a prayer for the congregation to be blessed so that we can be a blessing. This is something Mark and I take very seriously. We are not rich with a huge bank account and your typical examples of wealth (big house, luxury car labels) but we have always received what we need in order to be able to give what is needed to others. This is not at all to pat ourselves on the back or brag about what we have been able to do, please don’t read that message in this. Things have occurred for us as they do for everyone; illness, job loss, relationship challenges, death in the lives of those we love and each time there’s been something positive that came of the negative. I get that the saying “things happen for a reason” is quite played out and can be maddening when it seems that “all the things” happening really suck. Most recently, in the last year, Mark was having some significant stressors at work. He had had a 3 week bout with vertigo about a year prior. The doctor said it was brought on by stress, and things were mounting again. We did not want to go through that again. Working his entire career in restaurant management you would not believe some of the stories (that’s for another blog J); people can be demanding and sometimes unreasonable in restaurants and often one must hire people for which restaurant work is just something they do while pursuing other goals. It can be very hard work and long hours. We have had the goal since being together to have Mark home, pursuing other things that he loves, training dogs, gardening, working around a property etc. When Rocke and Krista asked if we would be open to watching Cash when they both returned to work after paternity/maternity leave, we took that as a sign and opportunity to make those goals happen. With that, things started to get into place to ensure that that could happen. We are now excitedly awaiting our next grandchild, a sweet girl, Penelope Rose, arriving at the end of September. We are fortunate to be able to take the time to go to Arizona where Jake and Alex live to be there for her birth and spend a little bonding family time. Things that may not be possible if we had not made the decision for Mark to stay home. We can look back at every challenge we have faced and see how the timing was perfect and there was in fact a reason for us to be in each circumstance. That belief and faith will always keep us looking for blessings in all challenges.