It’s Thanksgiving evening and Mark and I have A LOT for which to be thankful. Our blessings are not lost on us at all. Some is through hard work, others through just plain luck but either way we are thankful. I have come to realize though, that the holidays, Thanksgiving in particular, can come with a set of pressures that some of us need support with and some acknowledgement that our “thanks” may not look like others. There’s a lot of pressure to be “thankful” AND “joyous” which implies that if somehow you are not “joyous” you are not “thankful”. This year was a tough one for my children, Lauryn and Cameron. They lost their father in March very unexpectedly. Additionally, Lauryn has suffered some intense trauma with her home burning down due to a house fire. Here comes Thanksgiving, the first major holiday without their dad (aside from father’s day and his birthday); and for Lauryn, just reestablishing her life. She chose not to come home for the holidays this year. Thanksgiving is not unusual, but she usually tries to make it for Christmas. This year she needs to stay put for a variety of reasons. All of which are valid and I applaud her for making the choice she needs to make for herself. Some have implied that she is selfish for not coming home to be with her family. Some have also implied that SHE needs to be with family. What if that family is the exact reminder of the hurt? What if being alone is what she needs? Can “we” be okay with that choice? Of course, we miss her but I also recognize that sometimes we have to make our own decisions in what we need. I would imagine this is the first holiday without a loved one for a lot of people. Is it ok to be thankful, but not joyous? Are we so pressured that we have to fake it in the midst of very difficult situations. That is exhausting. 2020 has been a very difficult year for many. I believe sometimes we just have to strive for peace because joy may not be possible given the circumstances. Happiness, though, can still shine through, when we count our blessings and acknowledge that we feel things, even the negative feelings. To be truly thankful, we must live our trueness and sometimes that trueness is being alone, contemplative, remembering and pressing on. Sometimes that trueness comes in the way of service to others. Both Lauryn and Cameron chose to work on Thanksgiving. Lauryn reached out to some of her juvenile clients that are currently in youth detention centers without family connection and the holidays when incarcerated can be very lonely. As their attorney, she felt a call of duty and service. This action provided her a sense of fulfillment. Cameron worked his job at Pride Industries and was very proud of the fact that he worked on a holiday “like other adults” and “like my dad used to” J. If any of us are not feeling especially festive during this time, it’s okay. This is just a moment in time and being present for it is in itself an action of gratitude.
Tag: life
Full Transparency…Writers Block
Hi Everyone,
Thank you for hanging in there with us. We haven’t posted a blog in several weeks. Full transparency, I’ve had writer’s block. We have had a lot going on, within our family, around the property, at work and in our community that it’s taken a lot to sit down and focus. I simply have not known what to write about with so much distraction, so forgive me if this rambles. In March, my two biological children, Lauryn and Cameron lost their father very unexpectedly. Given that this was also my first husband, his death sent waves of emotion through me and my family. COVID 19 also hit all of us in March, causing physical distancing and shelter in place, which as you can imagine impacted our ability to support each other through this and postponed any memorial service for closure. Whenever families are faced with such events everyone experiences and expresses feelings of grief, support, peace, sadness all differently and there’s always the element of “life must go on”. We must still go to work, attend to household needs, address health concerns, find some joy, exercise, interact, run our errands, care for pets etc. That’s what we normally do when we experience loss or change. These current times, though, require that we do those things in very different ways than what we may have done in the past. Interaction is more distanced, attending to household needs and running errands takes more thought and planning, we must find joy in things that we may not have noticed before. Earlier this month, we were able to memorialize my children’s father. We came together armed with masks and held the service outside so that we could social distance. If I said that we didn’t hug or that we wore our masks the whole time, I would be lying. We did, though, adjust, and worked to stay safe. One of the consequences of that was that Mark and I were not able to provide the daycare to Cash for a couple of weeks following. This we understand and support, and yet still felt sad and isolated because of it. We are actively planning for a trip at the end of August to see Jake and Alex in AZ., and a trip to CO. to see Lauryn. There’s so much more to think about now when trying to connect with our family. There are rules around Cameron being able to leave his independent living group home that have to be considered in order to visit him. This blog is called “Awesome Empty Nesting” because Mark and I truly feel that we are living our best lives and we are doing it intentionally. We make decisions for ourselves and for our family in ways that promote everyone’s growth and pursuit of independent joy. We are consistently evaluating how our actions impact the support of others and have had to make adjustments and we will continue to do so. Recent events have certainly caused us to look deeper into the actions we take and the words we say to impact that mission. I promised Mark that I wouldn’t write about COVID 19 all the time, and I plan to keep that promise but I also believe that if we ignore the impact we are not being real. Yes, life goes on and it’s beautiful, fun, surprising and joyful. There are just times when you have to look a bit deeper to find it and be more intentional in the pursuit of it. Thanks again for reading and staying connected with us. Stayed tune the next blog to focus on our cats’ hunting abilities (and other things farm related)….I’ve been keeping some data. LOL