It’s Thanksgiving evening and Mark and I have A LOT for which to be thankful. Our blessings are not lost on us at all. Some is through hard work, others through just plain luck but either way we are thankful. I have come to realize though, that the holidays, Thanksgiving in particular, can come with a set of pressures that some of us need support with and some acknowledgement that our “thanks” may not look like others. There’s a lot of pressure to be “thankful” AND “joyous” which implies that if somehow you are not “joyous” you are not “thankful”. This year was a tough one for my children, Lauryn and Cameron. They lost their father in March very unexpectedly. Additionally, Lauryn has suffered some intense trauma with her home burning down due to a house fire. Here comes Thanksgiving, the first major holiday without their dad (aside from father’s day and his birthday); and for Lauryn, just reestablishing her life. She chose not to come home for the holidays this year. Thanksgiving is not unusual, but she usually tries to make it for Christmas. This year she needs to stay put for a variety of reasons. All of which are valid and I applaud her for making the choice she needs to make for herself. Some have implied that she is selfish for not coming home to be with her family. Some have also implied that SHE needs to be with family. What if that family is the exact reminder of the hurt? What if being alone is what she needs? Can “we” be okay with that choice? Of course, we miss her but I also recognize that sometimes we have to make our own decisions in what we need. I would imagine this is the first holiday without a loved one for a lot of people. Is it ok to be thankful, but not joyous? Are we so pressured that we have to fake it in the midst of very difficult situations. That is exhausting. 2020 has been a very difficult year for many. I believe sometimes we just have to strive for peace because joy may not be possible given the circumstances. Happiness, though, can still shine through, when we count our blessings and acknowledge that we feel things, even the negative feelings. To be truly thankful, we must live our trueness and sometimes that trueness is being alone, contemplative, remembering and pressing on. Sometimes that trueness comes in the way of service to others. Both Lauryn and Cameron chose to work on Thanksgiving. Lauryn reached out to some of her juvenile clients that are currently in youth detention centers without family connection and the holidays when incarcerated can be very lonely. As their attorney, she felt a call of duty and service. This action provided her a sense of fulfillment. Cameron worked his job at Pride Industries and was very proud of the fact that he worked on a holiday “like other adults” and “like my dad used to” J. If any of us are not feeling especially festive during this time, it’s okay. This is just a moment in time and being present for it is in itself an action of gratitude.